Int’l Women’s Day 2025: Girls, Women, and the Future, By, Yahaya Kana Ismaila
By, Yahaya Kana Ismaila
As we mark International Women’s Day 2025 with the theme “Accelerate Action” — emphasising the urgency of advancing gender equality — I want to take a moment to explore the journey of girls transitioning into women in our society. This is a journey filled with intrigue, challenges, and the weight of expectations — particularly in Nigeria and across many African cultures. In this reflection, we must ask ourselves: How do we navigate tradition and modernity without losing the essence of who we are?
The Eloyi society, like many African communities, has historically placed certain responsibilities on women — roles that shape their participation in the family unit and the broader society. These roles, passed down through generations, have been the cornerstone of stability and cultural identity. However, the winds of globalisation and modernisation are fast eroding these traditional expectations.
Many activists advocating for equal rights and opportunities see this change as a positive step. The breaking down of rigid gender roles creates space for women to thrive beyond domestic duties. Yet, there’s a fundamental flaw in this evolving arrangement: African girls seem to be adapting to this new reality at a much faster pace than their male counterparts.
This imbalance often leaves men struggling to shed the cloak of supremacy that has been woven into their identity. The consequences are visible — rising marital conflicts and misunderstandings rooted in differing expectations. Many men perceive women’s increasing independence as a challenge to their authority, leading to frequent breakdowns in marriages.
Take, for instance, the viral story of a Nigerian father who advised his daughter’s husband not to expect her to cook for him. The reaction was deeply divided: women applauded the father’s progressive stance, while many men questioned his sincerity. Did he cook for his own wife? Would he have married a woman who expected him to both provide and cook? These questions reflect a deeper struggle about evolving gender expectations.
The issue of income generation adds another layer to this discourse. Should a woman’s financial contribution to the household automatically position her as an equal partner in the family’s decision-making? This question stirs intense debate. While avoiding religious interpretations — which can be subjective and varied — the fact remains that men across different cultures seem united in their expectations of women’s roles in the home — cook, clean, wash, raise children etc.
One example that caught national attention last year was a young Nigerian wife, Debbie, who shared on X (formerly Twitter) that she wakes up at 3 a.m. to cook for her husband. Her post went viral, drawing praise from Nigerian men who showered her with expensive gifts in appreciation of her perceived sacrifice. This response highlights how deeply traditional values and expectations remain embedded in African societies.
Even among prominent African women, traditional roles persist. A viral Facebook post revealed that an African female president of Tanzania – Samia Suluhu Hassan still cooks for her husband despite her high political office. The comments on that post once again reflected a deep-rooted cultural sentiment, one that president Suluhu herself shares: African men cherish and expect women’s adherence to traditional roles, regardless of their professional achievements.
President Suluhu has publicly expressed her commitment to traditional marital customs. In a 2021 statement, she mentioned that she continues to kneel and submit to her husband, emphasising that this act stems from love and affection rather than a sense of inferiority. She advocated for preserving such traditions as they strengthen family bonds and instill good manners in children. Without over flogging it, this insight into her personal values suggests a respect for cultural practices within her marriage.
Nigeria’s social media sensation, Martin Ortse popularly known as VeryDarkMan, added his voice to the video of Samia Suluhu, where he berated Nigerian women who according to him become feminists after making some money or simply buying a new expensive wig. His comment fully captures the mindset of many African men who expect all women, regardless of their station to be like Samia Suluhu.
But this raises important questions. What does men’s resistance to evolving gender dynamics mean for the future of equality in Africa? How can women help their male counterparts embrace a more balanced and equitable partnership?
The answers are far from simple. Culturally, many African men are conditioned to expect respect — sometimes excessively — and see any shift in gender roles as a direct attack on their authority and traditions. This perspective breeds an inherent resistance to the Western model of gender equality, which they often view as a destabilising influence.
On the other hand, for many African women, the push for equality represents liberation — a long-overdue break from cultural and traditional shackles. But are women perhaps moving too fast, leaving their partners struggling to keep up? The rising number of divorces attributed to perceived “female wokeness” suggests that this might indeed be the case.
So, what’s the way forward? Balance. We must be deliberate in raising both boys and girls to understand and embrace a new societal equilibrium. I’m not suggesting we adopt a purely Western family model — far from it. What we need is a uniquely African approach, one that relaxes the often overwhelming expectations placed on women while granting them the freedom to pursue careers, raise families, and maintain cultural values.
This approach won’t be easy; it requires careful navigation and a delicate balance. But compared to the current extremes, any solution that grants women the rights they seek while still preserving the role and dignity of men in the African family structure could go a long way in safeguarding our social fabric.
African family advocates — both male and female — have long called for this balanced approach. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, renowned Nigerian author and feminist, once said: “Culture does not make people. People make culture. If it is true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we must make it our culture.” This call to reshape cultural norms without erasing them entirely reflects the kind of balance we must strive for.
On the flip side, South African family advocate and traditionalist Musa Mseleku argues for preserving core African values: “A home thrives on mutual respect and understanding. As we empower our women, let us not forget the importance of roles — not as a form of subjugation, but as a form of harmony.” Musa’s position appears to project president Samia Suluhu’s.
These perspectives highlight the need for dialogue — an ongoing conversation between tradition and modernity, between men and women, and between the past and the future.
Looking ahead, the Nigerian girl of today stands at a crossroads. She is more educated, more exposed, and more ambitious than previous generations. She dreams of equality and independence, yet still bears the weight of cultural expectations. As she transitions into womanhood, she must navigate the fine line between her aspirations and the reality of societal expectations.
To shape a future where both men and women thrive, we must start from the ground up — in our homes, schools, and communities. We must teach our boys emotional intelligence, respect, and the value of partnership. We must raise our girls to pursue their dreams without guilt and to embrace their heritage without feeling constrained by it.
Ultimately, the future of African families depends on our ability to strike this delicate balance. It’s not about choosing between tradition and modernity but finding a way for them to coexist. If we succeed, we won’t just be building stronger families — we’ll be building a stronger, more equitable society.
Yahaya writes from Kana of Nassarawa LGA in Nasarawa state and can be reached on: kanaismail@yahoo.com
