“Lies from the pit of hell” was one of FFK’s most celebrated lines when describing the APC and all it stood for! So, it’s only right that we celebrate his porting to the pit of hell with an epiphany and a truism from the past. I believe it was Pa OBJ who said Oga Femi was always his boy; that all it requires to keep him dancing is a drop of bankrolls here and there? Papa Iyabo should know. After all, he’s celebrated as the undisputed father of Nigeria’s money politics? To be fair to FFK, the Ghana-must-goes that we were told use to exchange hands when Pa Iyabo PhD was lord of the manor were said to be too stuffed and too tempting to be resisted. Under the prevailing Nigerian circumstances, I don’t know what we expect an hungry man to do!
How dare you, me and everyone complain when a man daring his sentence of obsolescence and hunger makes the only bold and sensible move before him; the only card left to play; the one move that will keep him sobered up and drinking from the hands of those with the powers to bankroll any absurdity? Yes na, Pa OBJ will not dare to call FFK his boy again even though he knows how he ‘rolls’! You know what they say; when life gives you Dawa, you make Burkutu! Never mind that Dawa does not attract VAT but it’s fermented end product is constituting itself into a VAT controversy!
It’s all about the bargain really. When you go to Kana market to but 10 tubers of Yam but you are told your money can only buy two, won’t you look for another market where your money can buy more? But who goes to a market where only rotten meat is sold over and over again with different sets of lamentations? Probably FFK on the one hand and others too far gone to consider their names as anything but a meal ticket!
But, perzactly why is FFK in such high demand when he’s not Cr7? Wait, he seems to have something in common with the GoAT – they seem to always go back to where it all began. However, where Cr7’s Pizzazz and goals deliver joy and hate in equal measure to his, Manchester United and rival fans respectively, FFK’s Unique Selling Point (USP) is his lexical flair, expertly tailored to benefit his craft as a court jester, praise singer and attack dog. This triple role has been of immense value to the man and a section of the Nigerian public who look daily to Twitter and Nigeria’s jaundiced media for orgasm. What! It brought him a Ministerial position and even a chieftaincy title deep in the Janjaweed sultanate didn’t it?
Nigerians are simply very bitter people. Enemies of progress everywhere. They have gone to dig out his old tweets, some of which he declared confidently that it amounts to an insult on his personality for anyone to suggest he will join a rat infested Almajiri People Congress. Tufiakwa, over his dead body! Ehen, so what? Do you worry about a dog that always goes back to it’s vomit when there’s no food anywhere? All of you nosy lot should know that hunger is real just as the hustle is also real.
I don’t know if many of you will agree, not that it will matter anyway, but FFK is still human and he has acted in a manner that every threatened human being would. If not because of hunger, would he have accepted the crumbs that were made to fall close to him, so that he’ll undertake that nonsensical tour of the other half of the coin and invite insults from smo – smo reporters that will trigger his short fuse and make it manifest? Since that small reporter spoiled the trip, Oga has been without patronage. Did any of you even bother to check on him, see how he’s faring since the stables dried up?
Our hypocrisy is just over the roof. Somebody whose wife left him with trails of wife battery accusations and a host of other little baggage, you still want him to be faithful to worthless things like ideology? All of una need make dem check una head, eziokwu!
Now wey shame don catch us finish as the man wey him been dey insult don hug am por Aso Rock, how far na? FFK has confessed all his sins. I was wrong about the president. He’s a good man who means well for his country. Za gomnas op Zampara, Yobe and Katsina hap all done well to tackle insecurity. He declared!
I wonder why we will be besmirching a man who was directed by god to make the leap into Poto-poto. Do we want to invite the wrath of the most high? Was it not the blessings of the lord that maketh rich again? Sow into the dry land and reap from it’s goodness commandeth the lord! Our people have it that food is the first god that men know. Only those with full stomachs can think of a supreme being up there somewhere. You see now that FFK was right abi?
The one that is paining me now is that, all this wailing and complaints have made Oga Joe Igbokwe very angry and who will blame him. After doing for years in APC what FFK was doing for PDP but only a little bit more bizarrely, it’s only natural that he feels hard done by the red carpet reception accorded za man at Aso Rock. But as the Hausa will say, one person’s dance steps could bring him accolades where another person’s, regardless of whether they better steps than the former’s will only fetch for him severe beating. This is where I thought we should have stood in solidarity with Ebonyi and apply to be joined in Umahi’s right to display his/our short fuses at FFK’s audacity. Instead, we have concentrated on chasing rats when our house is on fire. Does it not get to you to hear that your governor was railroaded into joining the Almajiri People’s Coven by some charlatan with a short fuse?
I mean, didn’t we read the part where FFK declared like Willian did when he joined Arsenal, that he’s in the new team to deliver progress and development? Did we ever bother to ask what he has to give that has not been given already? I don’t know, but it’s possible that unbridled hate and ethnic profiling can be measured as a development indicator. But if that were the case, will we still be having this conversation?
It’s just as well that PDP have wished him well in his future drubbing of the their rival. This could all have been a plan work as it appears success eludes every side that the commentator of Futa Jalon signs for. But to start negotiating the price of a monkey still high up in the trees with a hunter is to push the boundaries of optimism too far. But as Falz – that lawyer turned musician will say: THIS IS NIGERIA!
